Some say He's 'no more'
My heart says, He's NOW MORE - 
The Presence just turned into OMNIPRESENCE,
The finite form into INFINITE FORMLESS
Then He resided in a place,
Now HE PERVADES the entire space!!

Who's gone (a)stray?

Walking with your pet in the neighbourhood mostly results in endless observations - of mundane and strange activities - of people and animals.  In the recent past, a people-forsaken old male mongrel (Who I named "Chakra" because of his endless wandering) came under my latest observation. Chakra was the epitome of stray with disease spread all over his body. Completely hairless, his ash/chocolate colour was replaced by pale ivory patches that revealed deep infections. Still, he held his heart in his eyes – that emoted beyond restrictions. In the last ten days of my watching, I noticed that Chakra was walking less, panting more often and new sets of infection showed up.  

One day, I found Chakra lying near the over-flowing waste-bin. As I briefly paused to observe him, I quickly gathered that he was gasping and did not even open his eyes as many passers-by walked beside him. On making local enquiry, I understood that Chakra had been ill for quite some days and was starving himself. Disturbed with this information, I moved on. Later that evening, I found him again lying in his own pool of drool. Determined albeit hoping against hope I called Blue Cross. At the other end of the phone, a lady guaranteed me that someone would attend to the dog as soon as possible. When I conveyed emergency, she asked me to personally bring the dog to the Blue Cross hospital. I confessed to fear of touching Chakra. I was coming to terms with my own feelings – how we differentiate ours and no one’s....I succumbed to wait endlessly for “The call”.

By the end of the fourth day when I did not receive the promised call– life moved on, but Chakra occupied the entirety of it. The time between the call and now - I saw him - lying in his drool pool; shivering feverishly; and on one occasion even limping past me. Never once in all this time did Chakra look me in the eye. I missed that direct contact. When I had run out of options and ideas I submitted my fears and dreams for Chakra to the Universe. The moment I let go – Divinity took over. It almost seemed like a reflex action. I got the call from Blue Cross!

The guardian (and team) told me that they would reach in less than 15 minutes and that I should keep the dog ready for them to take away. I promised to meet Team Blue Cross at the appointed time. But, where the hell was I to find Chakra? He was a free-spirited being having no boundaries to limit his movements. Letting go of any expectations – in a state of complete surrender I searched the streets in the neighbourhood. I heaved a huge sigh of relief when I spotted Chakra sleeping blissfully in a pile of sand. His legs were shivering in his sleep and his wounds were raw and sore. Team Blue Cross arrived. Chakra was caught unawares in his sleep and quickly packaged into the van. His thunderous shrills brought the entire neighbourhood to a stand-still. My hands trembled and tears gave away to my visibility as I signed the formalities. The van moved out of sight as I bid a silent and emotional farewell.

Two days later, this morning, as my phone rang, I took the call with mixed emotions. The name read “Blue Cross” and a voice told me: The dog passed away yesterday. He had canine distemper as well as other complications. As my throat choked and tears rolled down my cheeks, the voice assured me of his calm passing. I am unaware of the connection that Chakra and I might have had – but I am thankful that he had a peaceful death. And now when I close my eyes – I see Chakra smiling at me – with his heart in his eyes as usual, only this time looking directly into my eyes. 

Love is in the air!

Tarzan is like air - filling every breadth of my life

My existence is supported by his...

Love opened up a new dimension when he came into my life

Thank you Tarzan for just being born

Being born to just love

Thank you Tarzan for loving me

And be rest assured that you're being loved in return!

Many thanks

I am not going to wait until I see results or receive rewards.
I am not going to wait until I feel better or things look better.
I'm not going to wait until people say they are sorry or until they stop talking about me.


I am not going to wait until the pain in my body disappears.
I am not going to wait until my financial situation improves.
I am not going to wait until the children are asleep and the house is quiet. 
I am not going to wait until I get promoted at work or until I get the job.
I am not going to wait until I understand every experience in my life that has caused me pain or grief.
I am not going to wait until the journey gets easier or the challenges are removed. 


I am thanking you right now.
I am thanking you because I am alive.
I am thanking you because I made it through the days of difficulties. 
I am thanking you because, with you, I have already walked around the obstacles.


Thank you my dearest Lord!

First Day at School

This evening, I anticipated Hem's arrival with as much as restlessness as Tarzan. He promised to come by 5 but landed 20 minutes late. Tarzan noticed him, smelt him and then moved away to a distant corner of the house. Slowly he peeped from behind the wall to find if I was going to go away. He continued to peep to ensure that his sight was on me. Hem asked me to show him around the everyday walking arena. Once we were done, Hem offered to take Tarzan for a walk. Our little doll happily followed him but I had to come with him till the end of the steps and he was all along hearing my "Come on, Tarzan..."
Hem called me in exactly ten mins and asked me to come down. Tar jumped in joy looking at me. And then Hem asked Tar to climb steps (that he always refused to) and Tar came up very confidently. What was more surprising was Tar climbed all the way up the first floor and came home. Initially, he stood by the elevator refusing to budge an inch...but then Hem gently nudged him and he climbed all those steps.
It is important that Tar climbs steps. It gives his muscles the needed exercise. Once home, Tar was petted by Hem adequately before teaching him further.
Tar was made to sit in one place. Hem kept saying SIT, SIT, WAIT, WAIT and was walking around in all directions. The idea was to teach him to obey the command "WAIT" and also to reiterate SIT. It was a sight to watch. Little Tarzan was sitting and waiting for his Teacher's commands. I had chopped the chew sticks into small pieces that worked as treats for Tarzan. That Tar was hungry proved to be lucky.
Hem continued this training for about 30 mins all the while telling my boy to Sit and Wait. Tar was a fairly decent student.
I felt a proud parent looking at her baby learning to walk his first steps. It's indeed his first steps.......and the wait till he graduates continues...

My Father

My mother told me, 'Time heals everything. Just give Time, some time..." Most certainly, it does. However, there are a few things that surpass the boundaries of time. Time only makes it more real. The memories remind me of what he was & who he was. Even though I have come to terms with my father's death - what I have sometimes not come to terms is the fact that he is gone, forever. And every day brings a new realisation that he's never coming back to this earth.

It feels funny that you think of your father and talk to thin air. Words that are meant for him to hear are left unheard. Most of the times, you reach out to hold hands that are no longer stretched towards you. I will never hear his voice, laugh hard at his amazing jokes, walk up to him for my pocket money or just be around him. I miss my father...

With him being around - I think that's the most secured place his little girl can feel. Just knowing that dad was there was good enough. My father and I did not share a relationship where we exchanged words of love. In fact, it was with him that I fought most often. He was the proudest whenever I excelled. In me, he saw his strength. To understand the impact of the love and pride he had for me, I had to 'not' have him around. Strange are the ways of life.

Today, when I react to a situation or crack a joke or say something or even walk around, I realise how much of my 'father' lies prominently in me. Must say, the genes have been handed over exceedingly well. And as I perform each of these tasks, the more of myself I see, the more of my father I feel...

Impressions of my father now appear so minor and all his attributes seem more important. More important and far more appreciated now. He wasn't perfect by any means but he didn't allow his imperfections to claim who he was. He was he & that's all there was. There just is no replacement for you!

Remembering you daddy, just like on every other day, on your 3rd death anniversary.  Since, I haven't said this many times when you were around, hear me out, one more time...I Love You...


PRIYA KRISHNASWAMY  (Your little girl with your name right after mine...)

Kaapi Blues

Ever wondered what your favorite drink is? Pepsi or coke is probably the first variety that pops in mind. Perhaps fresh fruit juices? Lemon n mint? How about a cup of tea? Nah, I think I'll just stick with coffee. What could be better than your day starting with the aroma of fresh coffee - the life source for many of us!
Being a South-Indian, a hard-core Madarasi, from the Tam-Brahm infested Mylapore, I never had the coffee-drinking habit! God forbid! Over the last thirty odd years, the last thing I wanted to hear was how tasty coffee was. Those were the days when the very smell put me off entirely. During our customary morning-family coffee drinking sessions (I'd have Bournvita or Horlicks like most other regular children); I'd insist on all coffee-drinkers to gargle their mouth lest the pungent coffee smells dominates the air you breathe.
I think as adolescents, it is difficult to develop a tolerance to caffeine. Let's face it, like alcohol or smoking, drinking coffee is also an acquired habit. Like a drug, coffee gets you addicted to drinking it every time. You enjoy its great taste and turn to coffee to get your energy boost for the day. You really can’t ignore the adrenaline-rush and mental acceleration that comes from caffeine. In fact, drinking coffee has become so addictive that some people can’t get through the day without downing several cups in the morning, noon and night. And to make the heavy confession, I am one of those 'people'.
Unknowingly the habit crept into my life. Thanks to all those endless meetings that were hosted in myriad cafes. What I tried so hard to gulp down as courtesy soon became my palate's favourite. When I think of it, falling in line with a habit is as tough as getting out of it. Since it took me 30 years to acquire the taste for coffee, I am allowed 30 more years to get out of it!
Today, like wine, coffee has even evolved into a social drink, with many of us spending generously on sugar-loaded concoctions from various branded outlets. The bigger the brand, the better the coffee or so we think. One dose of coffee and ah! To express the feeling of freshness! Oh, the aroma! Ah, the flavour! However, in reality the caffeine in coffee does not create real energy or alleviate any tiredness. It is only a strong stimulant that provides a sudden, temporary jolt to your system, hence the feeling of alertness. But who cares? One filter coffee, please...
Addiction to some food or beverage is a given, to us by us for us and remaining healthy and strong throughout life is a battle. What is important is that we are aware - and then you can get on with life - with coffee addiction or whatever. Oh! Here comes my kaapi! 

Married to Work

I just celebrated my first wedding anniversary with Work. I still remember the time when I had spent a considerable amount of time searching for the right "Work" and then the thrills when I fell in love with Work. We had given each other 6 months time. I called it the probation, but I guess Work had decided to enslave me for life; I was only keenly looking forward to the new relationship.

The new found joy of marriage was evident in me. I enjoyed time spent with Work. Marriage only ensured that I had access to everything about Work. I wanted to know more about him and I did everything under the sun to be good to him. The more I discovered, the more hard he played to get. Work distracted me endlessly and had unknowingly ensured that all my other ties were subtly cut. Work had become my all. I sure was in the 'marital bliss' mode. The presence of Work in my life gave my life a renewed meaning.

Come April and I was stumped by another surprise. Thanks to all the 'over-time' sessions with Work, I was feeling strange lately. Work was beginning to expect more out of me. Every night used to be eventful. I enjoyed it thoroughly. I would hardly get time to sleep - Work made love to me without even giving me time for a breather! I decided to talk to my family doctor, Manager. After several consultations, one fine morning, Manager announced my pregnancy. I was thrilled. Work had now bestowed me with the purpose of my life. I was all the time in anticipation of this pregnancy, this jump in my life and finally we had nailed it. We had already decided the baby's name - she was to be called "Money"!

Money's entry into my life gave me a new identity. People now recognised me for my potential. Money became the apple of my eye. In the pursuit to nurse and raise my darling little Money, I left no stone unturned to please Work. I made sure that I had Work with me at all times. Night or day made no difference. Time moved swiftly. I think all mothers lose their identity raising their children. As Money grew, I soon realised that I lost mine. My presence made no difference to Work. There were more energetic and smarter people who grabbed his attention. I was needed by him, but I was not indispensable. But to me, he was.

Unknown to myself, I had lost my youth. Raising money, I had lost my identity. And today I stand a slave to Work. Money speaks volumes but I have no individuality. Money is the one that is wanted here and there. After Money, people look for Work. But the person that I am - is lost completely. I have now realised that both Work and Money did not give me happiness. I want to resign - from this worldly pursuit. I want to look at life more wholly, more completely beyond Work and Money.

Living life to the fullest is an incredible balancing act. It is like walking a high-wire at the circus. It takes a lotof practice to get things just right. If you lean too much one way or another then you’ll lose your balance. The trick is to find that equilibrium between the Work and Money that produces achievement and slowing down enough to appreciate the present. When we locate this fine line, then we have found our balance and theplace where we can experience higher quality, more meaningful living.

Emotions

Do we control them or do they take charge of us? When we strongly project ourselves in a situation, is it the depiction of a certain emotion? I asked a friend if he ever felt jealous about the success or power someone else is enjoying. To this, he immediately said, "Jealously has never been one of my emotions. I might feel only happy. In a negative state, I might feel I am not good enough and I need to get there somehow. Jealously, never!"   That was when I began wondering about the myriad emotions that overpower us in a single day. Oh my god! Aren't we a medley of emotions? We are able to successfully swing from being happy to being moody, from being sensitive to being angry, from being jealous to being joyful! Different states of mind give rise to different emotions. Does this mean situations takes charge of emotions? If one does not emote at all, then he falls under the 'weird' category. If nothing in life is going to touch a person, if no rain or shine can make one smile or whine - then what is he made up of? Is it then right to say that he is not a emotional person but a very practical one. Cannot be true at all, for we are all made up of emotions. We allow them to take over us! And trust me, it is not wrong.

Kaadhalin Deepam

kaadhalin dheepam onru aetrinaalae en nenjil 
oodalil vandha sondham koodalil kanda inbam 
mayakkam enna kaadhal vaazhga (kaadhalin) 


naetru poal inru illai inru poal naalai illai 
anbilae vaazhum nenjil aayiram paadalae 
onrudhaan ennam enraal uravudhaan kaadhalae 
ennam yaavum solla vaa (kaadhalin) 


ennai naan thaedith thaedi unnidam kandu kondaen 
ponnilae poovai allum punnagai minnudhae 
kannilae gaandham vaiththa kavidhayaip paaduthae 
anbae inbam solla vaa (kaadhalin)

I believe I can fly

I used to think that I could not go on 
And life was nothing but an awful song.
But now I know the meaning of true love 
I'm leaning on the everlasting arms
If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it
I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door 
I believe I can fly 
I believe I can fly 
I believe I can fly
See I was on the verge of breaking down 
Sometimes silence can seem so loud 
There are miracles in life I must achieve 
But first I know it starts inside of me, oh
If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it
I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door 
I believe I can fly 
I believe I can fly 
I believe I can fly

Love@Charminar

The City of Pearls? "How could people wear a stone, a something that came out naturally from the sea?" I thought to myself. The Pearl! What a celestial creation! I was excited about my trip to the city of pearls…nah, its not there down under Sea. It's pretty much on the surface and people call it Hyderabad! The Hussian Sagar Lake! First thought! The Salar Jung museum quickly took over Thought# 1 Oh yeah, Gautam Buddha statue….thought process re-routed to the lake, to Thought#1. Golconda Fort…hmmm…Thought#3….of course, how can I not think of Biriyani?!?! Thought#4. Biriyani@Thought#5. Biriyani@Thought#6. Scratch Scratch…ppssstt! Charminar! My Last thought….and I fell asleep.

I got up next morning and quickly rushed to have a city tour. I rented the first auto rickshaw that I sighted…and asked, "Charminar???" Huh? Why did I say Charminar? Perhaps because it was my last thought of yesterday? I should've probably blurted "The Lake". Never mind, now I didn't want to antagonise the driver. The drivers of auto-rickshaws across any metro in India possess some unique and not-so-much talked about power. Their power of control over your travel could surely limit your freedom and you'd rather want to be in his good books to have a safe and secured travel. Oh my god! The people we have to suck up to….! I did breathe fine, when my charioteer chose to drive by the lake, (It was almost like he read my thoughts about wanting to see the lake…I told you, they had powers!) and soon, it seemed to me that all I did for the last sometime was travel…over bumps and speed crackers…and over traffic signals and flyovers….

As we were wading through the never ending stream of vehicles – Vehicles!!! Oh my god. Their exists here a religion called "Driving" and has various sects namely Four Wheelers (With an obvious dent), Four Wheelers (With no dent), Three Wheelers (The Masters of the Game), Two

Wheelers (The Survivors) and the many many wheelers… I don't understand when and where people learn the tricks of the driving trade. It is purely divine intervention that almost all of the driving population gets back home in one piece. The vehicles take upon themselves the attitudes of the drivers….. What? A revelation! Are vehicles women? Hmmm…on the outset, you have to look glamorous, have a fantastic interior and eventually be carried away or hit upon, all the while depending on the driver and men are totally crazy about them! Yeah yeah…Confirmed. Vehicles are totally SHE!

After close to forty five minutes of wading through a variety of women (Did I say Women? I meant vehicles…), the charioteer..Ooops! The driver abruptly came to a halt and said, "Bole to madam, Charminar aa gaya!" As I got out of the rickshaw, my first view of the Charminar: the sun shone straight into my eyes! The silhouette of the tower was a striking beauty and the sun's

brightness engulfed all possible attention the tower could get. I was awestruck. It certainly was love at first sight.

The tall towers, the striking small sized arena, the vacuum inside, the depth, the inscriptions, the little windows…I don't know which particular feature over powered the other, but in totality – The Charminar was a beauty and I'll leave the gender aside. I saw the sun again, trying to blind my vision. I squinted to see the silhouette image again. The dome shaped towers; I looked at them one by one. I came to understand the vastness of the tower when I had a complete look from top to bottom. I felt peace. The same peace I experienced when I first visited Paris and saw the Eiffel Tower. Its gigantic composition overwhelmed me completely. It is a kind of a universal power I felt that the tower had. I felt humbled. I felt small. I felt really small. And I also felt that my individuality was succumbing to the greater Divinity and We were merged as One! It was Total Consciousness I was experiencing. It was a moment of bliss, a moment of satisfaction. I became oblivious to the surroundings and was totally smitten in peace. Honestly, I was experiencing the same feelings here. I did not stop to analyze the why and what of the situation. I just let go and enjoyed.

As I walked by the Charminar… its imposing beauty always within my purview….I felt I was floating. The numerous hawkers around selling bangles and bangles and more bangles……the small shop owners who were selling pickles, garlands, bags, clothing, religious paraphernalia and more bangles did not seem to distract my attention. That undivided attention that I was giving to the Charminar. What's more! I was mute to the noise the denizens, who outnumbered the hawkers in manifold made. I spent close to four hours walking around the Charminar experiencing all those wonderful ethereal feelings……..completely hypnotised, refusing to step down to reality.

The place is a must see, the feeling is a must experience…..I am thinking, may be I should even move over to Hyderabad. Oh my god! The side effects of love…..!

Religion?

I offered to take a very troubled and desperate friend to a place of worship of my choice. As soon as the offer was made....there was a gurgle...a cynical smile. I persued, "So, when do you think we can go?" On seeing my insistence, the friend said, "I don't think I can quite accept your religion and its customs and pray to your God."

KP: "Come on, I am not asking you to convert, just visit." 

Friend: "Hmmm...I don't think so...but then yeah, may be like a visitor. Like a traveller..."

KP: "Traveler?? Am I asking for a photograph to be taken? Alright! You don't have to follow any of the prescribed customs, not even salute my God. But I have faith in the power there, and will you trust my faith and come at least for my sake?"

My friend smiles.... No answer.

KP: "I thought you were broad-minded! I thought you understood that there is only ONE God and but only the paths are many. You do know that there is only ONE God, dont you?"

Friend: "Listen...can we actually talk later?"

KP: "No. I am sorry but then there is nothing left to talk about this later. I am sorry I even pushed you to embarrassment...asking you questions you dont have answers for....Let you remain steadfast in your faith. And don't ever worry about it. I won't talk of this at all....."

And then we held hands and walked together.....

I have a big goal - One World One Family One God. When will we all live in harmony? We are talking of peace in the world...when peace seems to be a distant dream even amongst immediate neighbhours. Oh God! Do you see how religion has separated us from You? Only Love unites. I Love You, God!

Make Love Not War

'Why do we shout in anger?' A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?' His disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.'

'But, why do you shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the saint. 'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?' The disciples gave a lot of other answers but none satisfied the saint.

Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.' 

Then the saint asked, 'What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small...'

The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other. 

'Moral' said the saint, 'When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return!'

- What a great lesson, someone ANONYMOUS can teach you?!! Learn from it!

Car Rally

Car Rally for the Visually Impaired? After an enriching first-hand experience, I choose to call it - “Car Rally with the Visually Impaired”.
“Car Rally for the Visually Impaired” – read the subject line from a friend of the first email in my inbox. Overpowering the temptation to look into any other mail, I quickly opened this one. There went a formal invitation asking for people to register to participate in the event to be held in a week’s time. And what interested me the most was – the navigator was to be a visually-impaired person! Let alone the innumerable races with fellow-passengers on crowded roads, varied attempts to emphasise speed as my motto, I had never before participated in a formal rally and this one seemed a desirable opportunity. I called and quickly registered. I needed two more participants, to be sourced from my end and the navigator would be provided for by the organizers – Madras Motor Sports Club (MMSC) and National Association for the Blind, Chennai (NAB). I zeroed in on two of my trustworthy friends – Suchi, to be my mathematician and Shony, to be the co-navigator.

On Saturday, the eve of the rally – we had an orientation programme. The three of us presented ourselves on time, to find the hall packed with people who had arrived way before time. The coordinator from MMSC started his speech and invariably led the group to a series of formulae – Speed equals Distance multiplied by 60 divided by time taken…and used words like “be there at the right time in the right speed maintaining the right distance…of course, ensure that you are in the right direction as well.” I felt a steam of hot air evaporating from my head. Suchi looked at me from the end of the row and nodded – that why-are-we-even-here look pierced deep within me. I hoped to find solace from Shony, who seemed to be looking around, totally avoiding my gaze. I had no idea what the coordinator was saying. To me and am sure to many others, he was merely rambling away. Seated right behind us were a group of 3 visually-impaired men constantly chattering (thereby distracting me from paying attention to the physics or mathematical lecture). Since I was not paying to the lecture anyways, I started observing them. One young man, in particular seemed to make jokes on almost every line that the coordinator said and comment on everything around in general.

Internally, I knew – He was to be my navigator. I quietly went up to him, introduced myself and asked if he was allotted any driver. On answering in the affirmative, I asked if he would be my navigator – to which he cheerfully agreed! A decision had been made – Thiru was to be my Navigator. Mid-way the lecture, I understood that we had the option of brining in our navigators. I quickly went up the registration counter, lest they allot me a random navigator. To my dismay, they had! I had Thiru with me and we behaved like the best of friends and started heated arguments with those at the registration desk. The registration desk was in a chaotic mess – new entrants waiting to sign in, older ones screaming for their ‘competition number’, few others finding out who’s their navigator, and here we wanted to be on the same team. Finally after a lot of pressure from my end, the desk re-allotted me my navigator and Thiru gracefully and officially became a part of our team – Competition Number 24.

I introduced Thiru to the other team mates, who thought he was randomly allotted. (I told them much later that he was a chosen one!!) The first remark that Thiru made to all the three of us was – “You don’t worry madam(s), we will surely win a trophy”. Phew! What a sigh of relief we all heaved! I liked the confidence he had. We were given sample Braille Tulip maps, if we wanted to test drive.  “Please be here at 8.30 tomorrow morning.” I heard someone announce. We chose not to test drive and parted ways. As I saw Thiru walk away, I heard him giggle to his friends, “I have three ladies in my team.”

29th March 2009 dawned. I didn’t have a good night’s sleep – sleeplessness caused out of sheer excitement. Shony and Suchi met early morning to discuss the math involved and practise on formulae’s and calculations – while I was briskly cleaning my car! When all the three of us were done – each one was satisfied with one’s own individual contribution to the rally, the preliminary activities that needed little or no intervention from the other, of course. We reached Savera Hotel, the place where the rally was to be held at 8.30 (On the dot) and saw cars of different makes and colours all lined up for the event. I proudly parked mine amidst the other competitors. Big, loud stickers bearing the competition number were on three sides of every car. The yellow sticker stood out on the white surface of my car! We found Thiru who was his usual self – chatting and laughing with his little group. The organisers gave all the navigators a cap and a bag filled with goodies as compliments.

We were four seated in the car. Suchi, the math geek sat in the front with me, while Shony and Thiru shared the rear. “Priya, you better drive slow, and just listen to what the mathematician has to tell you”, said Thiru. Shony and Suchi chuckled. Celebrities flagged off the first few cars. We were in line. Each car was to start at one-minute intervals. The car in front of us left and we were given the Braille tulip map with the time sheets. Thiru almost snatched the map and started reading it. Shony took position: Taking down notes. We were now at the gate. People cheered from all sides wishing us luck!

10 – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6 – 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – Go!

And the first few meters….I had no idea of the route? “T-Junction. Turn right. Drive at 18 kmph”, said Shony. While I was at 18 kmph, Thiru and Shony managed to makes notes of the route and quickly passed it to Suchi – who then gave me directions and speed instructions. “Take the first right, after the signal. Drive at 18 kmph at the time taken for this would be 17 minutes.” “5 Cross-roads go straight at 24 kmph and you’re on the right track.” “T-Junction, turn left at 12 kmph and be there at the 12th minute” “Enter Kasturi Estate Ist Main Road at 30 kmph and be there at the 7th minute”. “Time equals speed multiplied by 60 divided by the distance”, I murmured the words. “Would you like to do the math”, Suchi offered. I avoided the question trying to concentrate on driving. I was at 18 kmph.

Each of us had a specific role to play – Thiru was the first one to read out the route map given to him in Braille. Shony took notes – didn’t miss out a word that Thiru read. The calculations were then done by Suchi and finally I drove at a particular speed against a set time….we were four interlinked. It was complete integration – of skill and labour and brain and technique.

 “Drive for 20 minutes at 12 kmph? Do you guys know that it is a task driving at that speed?” I asked. “It is a rally madam, not a race”, Thiru jeered. And the three of us laughed. We passed our first Time Control Marshall, someone who would stamp our time sheets and enter the time. If we missed a Marshall, we were to be charged 30 penalty points. Being early at aMarshall costed 2 penalty points for every minute and being late costed 1. At a time when we should have been driving at 18 kmph, I started speeding out of sheer exhaustion. As I was speeding away, I noticed a couple of cars driving at snails pace in the extreme left of the road. As I pointed out the cars, Thiru remarked, “That’s the pace you must drive at. Drive slow now.” The odometer showed 10 kpmh. I increased the speed to 18 kmph. Thiru and Shony had completely translated from Braille and Suchi was left with the entire math. She broke down the parts to bits and pieces and gave me the solved puzzle. I was the only one left to drive at the right speed. I finally succumbed to following all of the instructions – to the T. Many Marshalls passed and we stamped our sheets at every one of them. Thiru predicted a few places where the Marshalls would be, and yes, they were there!

It was ten minutes past the allotted time when we drove back to the starting point. Many cars had arrived. The Marshall stamped our last time-sheet and the rally was officially over. The 2.5 hour rally seemed to me like Zen Meditation – I was oblivious to my surroundings. 4 hours later came the prize distribution ceremony. Novice Category, the third prize goes to Competition No: 28 – Driver: Marian Pais & Navigator: M.Muthiseli. Clap Clap! Clap Clap! The second prize goes to Competition No: 24 – Driver: Priya Krishnaswamy & Navigator: R.Thirunavukarasu. Clap Clap! Clap Clap! And the first prize goes to Competition No: 18 – Driver: Senthil Kumar & Navigator: M.Kannan. Clap Clap! Clap Clap! Thiru was all smiles as he heard his name being called. He looked around in pride as the audience applauded. I leaned over and said to him, “So, how does it feel?” He looked back at said, “Feels good and do you feel good too?” “Oh yeah! Winners! That’s who we are”, I said as Shony and Suchi gave me sharp piercing looks. I moved over to Thiru’s side. It was a moment to cherish as Thiru and the three of us went up to get our trophy and certificates in Braille. When the ceremony got over and we said our good-bye’s, Thiru pulled me over and said, “Good Driving Priya. Make sure we are partners’ next time as well. So long farewell!” 

                

Miracle...

Wanted to let you know that I stunned the doctor who told me that I had Psoriasis. He said he was certain it was and now there are no traits of it - and all I am left with is some ring worm/fungal infection. The patches have almost turned normal...merging into regular skin...except on two or three places...I have no 'desperate' itching and am doing well.

Story Writing

Sads,
The concept that i am thinking of involves 3 teenage girls (of course!) and the way their life changes over the years.....Inital chapter has some introduction to these characters ...

1. One girl goes abroad to study meets a young man and  falls in love. But fate takes her back home to take care of her ill father. She never marries and through letter knows the progress of her lovers life. Though many men fall in love with her, She refuses to part with her memories of the past.
2. Another one moves to europe (to study or work not decided), falls in love with a girl. Marries a guy following parental pressure. Goes back, mental conflict. Divorces. Comes back as the other girl refuses to be a part of her for life. Meets a young man, who has his own reasons not to marry and finally settles down with him for the society.
3. The last one moves to middle east and am not sure of an exiciting story to pull through
Ending:Something feel good...:-)
Let me know what u guys think, I dont think i can let most of the people i know to reivew this book:-) [and that includes my mom!]
Love
Shon

Last Letter

P,
Phew - been a long day, just wrapped up my work. The bed looks inviting and my body aches, but wanted to write this email to you before I crash.
Ok. It looks like I am not going to be getting the call-log of my mobile after all.
As I told you a few days ago, I wanted to bring closure to this issue AFTER I had sent you the log. But looks like I am not getting that log.
I am writing this out of respect that I have for what we shared and for what it has meant to me in the past. 
I feel I had been treated very unfairly. I feel hurt that you chose to believe something about me without checking with me first. I am disappointed that you didn't have the courage to talk to me honestly about it. I am disappointed that you continued to pretend, perhaps even to yourself, that you "never doubted my integrity". I feel foolish for talking to you about what I was going through in my life.
As someone said, it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it. This time I was lucky. I am afraid that the next time I won't be. One has to go through it to understand the pain and turmoil it causes.
I have always brought a high level of authenticity, compassion and empathy to every relationship. Perhaps you don't value these things. What has happened is gone, and no amount of wanting, wishing, or regret will undo or change what's already happened. However, I am finding it hard to accept that and move on.
In a way whatever happened may be for my good too - because it clearly helped me see people in perspective.
Please understand that I am NOT trying to blame you or be judgmental about what happened - I just want to tell you what I feel. So - I am not looking for a response or discussion or argument from you. I am not asking you to FIX anything. It's all about me and what I feel...
All I ask of you is not to get involved my life and I too will not get involved in yours. 
Wish you all the best,
- M

Miracle Moment

Every moment is a miracle. Though we often take this world and this life for granted, the fact is that we exist, experience and even thrive against unimaginable odds.

You're already a winner because you are here today, living and breathing, capable of making decisions, thinking thoughts, taking action and accomplishing great things. A whole miraculous universe is available to you here in this moment. Those people who are able to tap into just a fraction of their potential enjoy stunning levels of success and achievement. Imagine what would happen if you were to do the same, right now.

Though you've made mistakes, though others may have hurt you, though you may be weary and filled with regret, still this life is full of positive possibilities for you. Step back for a moment and look at the whole picture. Consider the boundless magnitude of your good fortune. Live every moment as if it were the most miraculous thing you could ever imagine, because it is.

- From yet another ANONYMOUS teacher....

Just when...

Just when life could not be any better... You walk into it with a smile Just when I think that no new soul would ever matter... You show me your spirit with pride Just when I smile into your eyes... You jump many strides ahead in the bond Just when I hope for a forever friend... You pull on a fast one Just when I think that no one can hurt... You teach me that no one can hurt more Just when I look for the safety net... You made me realise that it is a mirage Just when I heal... You decide to look away Just when I want you... You will already be there...

- SA

Happy Valentine's Day

Dearest You...

We might not be in the pink of our relationship...we might have stopped being a couple...all of that doesn't matter. What matters now really is just the fact - that we both still love each other...that kind of a feeling that has risen above mundane relationships. I know that it has not dried out as yet...and we can still certainly tell each other - I Love You.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day - and I cant think really think of anyone else, except you...So, wanted to take this opportunity to let you know that I Love You very much - despite our differences....the distance....the stages of our lives...etc....and you mean a lot to me.

Take care and know for sure that you are a certain part of my life - and I am thankful to you for being a part of it!

Happy Valentine's Day!

With Lots of Love,

Me

25 things about me

1. I want to Sleep for erratic hours...sometimes 13 or 14...and on other days for just 6.
2. I love to drink Cola whenever I feel like, without anyone around grumbling - but I quit... :(
3. I wish I could brush my teeth every alternate day or hmmm....whenever....
4. I spend a lot of time trying to know the tricks of the trade, rather than learning the trade.
5. Technology is my religion and every new invention is my GOD. I succumb to technology!
6. Pssst!! Shh! Its called Lizard-o-Phobia and I score the most in it! Eeeek...one of His lousiest creations! I am so scared of that very word...Lizz....nah nah...don't say another time...Shhhh!
7. I believe in being bold and having No Fear! The word "Impossible" is hard to find.
8. The lazy bones in my body keep popping their heads off and on these days....
9. Oh Wow! Vodka...and I am a Smirn Off Fan! Cheers ;-)
10. "Black" is the coolest colour I've ever seen. The colour of my clothes mostly mirror my thoughts! And currently my wardrobe is ALL Black....and so what thoughts do I have? ;-) Shady Ones? :) 
11. Art of any form is great! To me, it is a perfect expression of the soul...Perfect!
12. Am very very MoooooooooooooDy! Yeah so? When I want to be left alone, ALONE it is. 
13. I enjoy driving....It takes a lot to be a skilled driver..and I'm getting there...
14. My holidays are jam-packed. I follow the route-map and my back-pack has all essentials! A perfect busy busy holiday is a fantastic stress buster.
15. I have given up all hopes of losing weight. I am happy that I exist. The rest all is immaterial. 
16. The telephone is for your convenience, not the callers. I don't pick the calls when my phone rings. I screen calls big time. 
17. I am obsessed with playing the Guitar. I think of it as a fantasy....to be able to play well!
18. I think I have a Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - with respect to Cleaning & Timing. Am irritatingly Finicky and Sweaky Clean......I know...I know.... I hate it too....
19. Malayalam is sweeter than nectar. It is the most romantic language ever....and I cannot speak it.
20. The smallest of details are important to me. Yeah Yeah. It sure is. My eyes are open to all details and I am a very keen observer.
21. I enjoy hanging out with friends, cracking all the way and having fun! Knowing you have friends you can count on - is my strength. Networking is crucial!
22. Well...I have High Blood Pressure (Yeah! Already!) and am under treatment for the last one year now. Am sure, u didn't see that one coming. 
23. My Weakness: My Mother
My Strength: Faith in God
24. I have invested a lot in My FrReDoM - and will travel long distances in protecting it. 
25. A Secret: I wanted to move to the forests and settle down like a hermit...but guess, this world is one huge forest and being simple and good does pretty much for the hermit. 

Moko Kahan Dhundhere Bande

Mein To Tere Paas Mein

Na Teerath Mein, Na Moorat Mein

Na Ekant Niwas Mein

Na Mandir Mein, Na Masjid Mein

Na Kashi Kailas Mein

Na Mein Jap Mein, Na Mein Tap Mein

Na Mein Barat Upaas Mein

Na Mein Kiriya Karm Mein Rehta

Nahin Jog Sanyas Mein

Nahin Pran Mein Nahin Pind Mein

Na Brahmand Akas Mein

Na Mein Prakuti Prawar Gufa Mein

Nahin Swasan Ki Swans Mein

Khoji Hoye Turat Mil Jaoon

Ik Pal Ki Talash Mein

Kaheth Kabir Suno Bhai Sadho

Mein To Hun Viswash Mein...

- Sant Kabir Das