There is again a surge of thoughts that makes my mind restless. I bluntly admit it. The fire of desire that wishes to swallow the entire kingdom. No rains can ever calm it! There is no stoppage at all!
The strength of my mind is lost and weakness paves it way confidently with its head high above thinking that there is no end. When again will this sea of desire dry? Or will this ever dry at all? How should an overpowering wave be curbed at all? Can it be ever curbed at all? Is this needed?
I don’t know how suddenly such dead feelings got life again within me? Honestly – the capacity to love deceased, much before I was dead. This new corpse was just leading a very customary and uninspiring life until it identified itself with you. Not that it was love at first sight – it was so slow, so gradual, so continuing that in the course of time, I only undeniably knew too well that you were the meaning for my existence. My dead body has now been initiated with a convincing denotation to live again and die for you.
However, I am also scared that, if this new found energy and love is not properly channelized and cultured – otherwise, unable to bear the torture of separation can devastate itself. Who else but you, can do this enormous mission of taking charge of my love? It is you, who must stay on with me to receive all the love that I desire to give to you. It is only your presence, that can enable me to continue further - composed and in tranquility. Otherwise, my mind is so restless, and let me tell you that if this restiveness continues, surely the end is visible.
The strength of my mind is lost and weakness paves it way confidently with its head high above thinking that there is no end. When again will this sea of desire dry? Or will this ever dry at all? How should an overpowering wave be curbed at all? Can it be ever curbed at all? Is this needed?
I don’t know how suddenly such dead feelings got life again within me? Honestly – the capacity to love deceased, much before I was dead. This new corpse was just leading a very customary and uninspiring life until it identified itself with you. Not that it was love at first sight – it was so slow, so gradual, so continuing that in the course of time, I only undeniably knew too well that you were the meaning for my existence. My dead body has now been initiated with a convincing denotation to live again and die for you.
However, I am also scared that, if this new found energy and love is not properly channelized and cultured – otherwise, unable to bear the torture of separation can devastate itself. Who else but you, can do this enormous mission of taking charge of my love? It is you, who must stay on with me to receive all the love that I desire to give to you. It is only your presence, that can enable me to continue further - composed and in tranquility. Otherwise, my mind is so restless, and let me tell you that if this restiveness continues, surely the end is visible.
I don’t know why I resort to death so easily? May be, at this point of time in my life – nothing else seems to be able to calm my mind. Clinging on to death seems to be so relieving. I feel so much at ease that, if I have nothing else to succumb to, then I surely can find my refuge in Death. At least, I know for sure that if I cannot go on any further, unable to bear the pangs of separation from you – there is always – Death! Yeah!
All that I yearn for now is You. I am not settling for anything short of You. It is You whom I want. It is You whom I need. It is You whom I desire. It is You whom I cry for. It is You whom I seek to acquire.
Truly, I see the new and complete meaning of love in you. There is no dearth for anything. My love is reciprocated with yours. My wants are satisfied with your needs. My feelings are understood by your body. My words are heard by your heart. My looks are accepted by your soul. My touch is acknowledged with the warmth of yours.
I do not want you to understand at all how much of love I have for you. Don’t. As, if in case you know what I hold for you and you want to return it – No, if there is one thing that I do not want to take back from you, it is the amount of love that you want to reciprocate in tune with my love. No, I want to have an upper hand, want to love you more than you can ever think of. Love, love, love - is all I want to do.
Do you understand all the anxiety and constant bubbling that is happening in my mind? Are you able to see all the numerous thoughts that arise in my mind? All the thoughts are - but of You. How much to tell you that I am in love – really in love with you! Totally new, for the first time that love is eating me alive. Eating every inch of my body to leave me finally without identity. To be totally accepted by you. Take me. Take my body. I surrender!
