Highly priced Love

Presenting to you all, the commodity called "Love". Yes, that Love which is highly priced, so hard to get, owning any amount of which would never suffice, cant be bought on a barter....oh my god! Its the most High Priced commodity in today's plastic world! Certainly, a plastic world! "And what do I want from you? Is giving me all of your love, such a herculean task to do? I dont understand this feeling at all. Its like an all encompassing oxymoron. It contains within itself the sum total of everything on earth. It is the be all and end all of life. Yet, it can in all ernestness leave you feeling so lost and forlorn, that you'd rather do without it than with it. Love - a phenonmenon that cannot be comprehended at all.

The First Love . . .

Badaltey Rishtey...

Meri saanson ko jo mahkaa rahi hai

Ye pahle pyaar ki khushbu

teri saanson se shaayad aa rahi hai

meri saanson ko jo mahkaa rahi hai

Shuru ye silsilaa to usi din se huaa thaa

achaanak toone jis din mujhe yoonhi chhuaa thaa

lahar jaagi jo us pal, tan-badan mein

wo man ko aaj bhi bahkaa rahi hai

Yeh...pahle pyaar ki khushbu

teri saanson se shaayad aa rahi hai

bahut tarsaa hai ye dil, tere sapne sajaake

ye dil ki baat sun le, meri baahon mein aake

jagaakar anokhi pyaas man mein

yahi thi aag jo dahkaa rahi hai

Yeh...pahle pyaar ki khushbu

teri saanson se shaayad aa rahi hai

Ye aankhen bolti hain, jo ham na bol paaye

dabi wo pyaas man ki, nazar mein jhilmilaaye

honthon pe teri halki si hansi hai

meri dhadkan bahakti jaa rahi hai

Yeh...pahle pyaar ki khushbu

teri saanson se shaayad aa rahi hai

meri saanson ko jo mahkaa rahi hai ....

http://www.raaga.com/a/?H001721

Take Me . . .

There is again a surge of thoughts that makes my mind restless. I bluntly admit it. The fire of desire that wishes to swallow the entire kingdom. No rains can ever calm it! There is no stoppage at all!

The strength of my mind is lost and weakness paves it way confidently with its head high above thinking that there is no end. When again will this sea of desire dry? Or will this ever dry at all? How should an overpowering wave be curbed at all? Can it be ever curbed at all? Is this needed?

I don’t know how suddenly such dead feelings got life again within me? Honestly – the capacity to love deceased, much before I was dead. This new corpse was just leading a very customary and uninspiring life until it identified itself with you. Not that it was love at first sight – it was so slow, so gradual, so continuing that in the course of time, I only undeniably knew too well that you were the meaning for my existence. My dead body has now been initiated with a convincing denotation to live again and die for you.

However, I am also scared that, if this new found energy and love is not properly channelized and cultured – otherwise, unable to bear the torture of separation can devastate itself. Who else but you, can do this enormous mission of taking charge of my love? It is you, who must stay on with me to receive all the love that I desire to give to you. It is only your presence, that can enable me to continue further - composed and in tranquility. Otherwise, my mind is so restless, and let me tell you that if this restiveness continues, surely the end is visible.

I don’t know why I resort to death so easily? May be, at this point of time in my life – nothing else seems to be able to calm my mind. Clinging on to death seems to be so relieving. I feel so much at ease that, if I have nothing else to succumb to, then I surely can find my refuge in Death. At least, I know for sure that if I cannot go on any further, unable to bear the pangs of separation from you – there is always – Death! Yeah!

All that I yearn for now is You. I am not settling for anything short of You. It is You whom I want. It is You whom I need. It is You whom I desire. It is You whom I cry for. It is You whom I seek to acquire.

Truly, I see the new and complete meaning of love in you. There is no dearth for anything. My love is reciprocated with yours. My wants are satisfied with your needs. My feelings are understood by your body. My words are heard by your heart. My looks are accepted by your soul. My touch is acknowledged with the warmth of yours.

I do not want you to understand at all how much of love I have for you. Don’t. As, if in case you know what I hold for you and you want to return it – No, if there is one thing that I do not want to take back from you, it is the amount of love that you want to reciprocate in tune with my love. No, I want to have an upper hand, want to love you more than you can ever think of. Love, love, love - is all I want to do.

Do you understand all the anxiety and constant bubbling that is happening in my mind? Are you able to see all the numerous thoughts that arise in my mind? All the thoughts are - but of You. How much to tell you that I am in love – really in love with you! Totally new, for the first time that love is eating me alive. Eating every inch of my body to leave me finally without identity. To be totally accepted by you. Take me. Take my body. I surrender!

கண்கள் உண்டு பல கோடி
நான் பார்வை கண்டேன் உன் இடம்
வார்த்தை உண்டு பல கோடி
நான் மௌனம் கண்டேன் உன் இடம்
ஆசை உண்டு பல கோடி
நான் தேவை கண்டேன் உன் இடம்
உயிர் உண்டு பல கோடி
நான் வாழ்க்கை கண்டேன் உன் இடம்

Eternity Process

Anna,

Amma went for this Eternity Course (through AOL), where they take you to your previous births, of course with your co-operation. So, out of an application made for this course of about 12000 odd people, Jagadha aunty applied on behalf of amma also, but unfortunately they were not chosen....and Jagadha aunty happened to break this sad news to amma, infront of Nagarajan (Who is like our WS Srinivasan) ...so, that guy of his accord intervened and asked that Vasantha (The teacher who does this Eternity Course) for a seat for amma and she agreed. In her Chennai visit, she had only chosen about 12 people for 4 days, and amma was the very first in that list....that is a total sign of Swami's grace....of course, if Swami wanted, He could have shown her all her janmas in just a few seconds.....but then, she had to go thru this course.....

So, on Sunday I went and dropped her in Ashok Nagar at 0700 hrs and she sat for the course....she was in Savasana Position and in deep meditation....for 3.5 hours....she was totally conscious mentally, but she says she was not aware of her body at all. It felt like a log of wood, incapable of any movement, TOTALLY!

Teacher: What happened today?
Amma: I am able to feel only Deepa's pain....
T: What about ur children? Are they not suffering?
A: No...they are not my children...they are Swami's children....
T: Who is her husband?
A: He is a devotee of Mundakani Amman...

Then she was made to go back to her childhood days, her college days and amma with a lot of difficulty could remember her college days and even cried because her father beat her one day, after some college event.....(Note: This is something like where the teacher keeps telling you...now, go back...what did you do in college...who were your friends...what are the impressions u remember? Good or bad....whatever they are...remember the events....and amma could only narrate very very few...cos she did not have much impressions....) She also remembered how she used to play with her friend when she was 3 yrs old...her friend had a brass kitchen sets...and amma used to go to her house...to play...she also remember Chellamani maama putting ponytail for amma as a 2 yr old child.....then the teacher told her to go back to her mother's womb....

And then eventually go back to her previous life....at this point...there was silence and amma toook a lot of time to rewind......

Then she could see a clear sky....and was asked to go back beyond that....go further...go further...break thru the sky....and finally after a LOT of effort...amma pierced thru the sky and went back to her last janma...where she saw a forest....deers are running...rabbits are running...a hermit was doing penance...trees with lots of flowers...and one lady was plucking the flowers.....

T: Who is that hermit...is that you...?
A: No no, i am the lady plucking the flowers.....
T: Are u the hermit's wife?
A: No no, I am NOT the wife...

(See, the teachers asks questions that helps amma to see further into that life...so, please understand the sequence...)

Teacher: What colour dress are u wearing?
Amma: White...saree...
T: What colour blouse? White or any other colour?
A: No blouse....
T: Lots of ornaments?
A: No ornaments, only a garland of white flowers...a bracelet of white flowers and anklets of white flowers...
T: Go back...go back further....
A: Yes, I am a princess...and am walking with so many maids...who take me and bathe me in a pond of white flowers....and they put sandal paste on me...and they leave me in the hermitage and go off...I run behind the deers and rabbits chasing them....thats all...thats all...
T: Go back ...go back....go back...previous janma...go back go...back..

After a long silence, amma is finally able to see again..
A: I see a cradle with a baby...and a king and queen and LOT of people around them in a big palace....
T: Who are u in the crowd? Are u the king...
A: No...
T: Are u the queen?
A: No ...no...
T: Then, who are you? Who are you?
A: I am the baby...I am the baby.......
T: What is happening there?
A: The king and queen had no children for a long time and, so when I was born they emptied their royal treasury and gave danam for everyone...and there was celebrations in the place...everywhere.........I can hear the tinkling of the money bags tied in silk...I can see the knot on the bags...I can see the gold coins being given to everyone...I can see big plates filled with silk clothes...for distribution...among the people...

No more rememberance of that birth
T: Go back...go back.....
Long silence......
A: I see snow clad mountains.....like Kailas with Manasarovar flowing there...I can hear the sounds of the flowing water dashing against the ruge rock like pebbles on the river bank. A lady is seated on the rock with a big shiva linga in her front and is doing penance...
T: What is that lady saying?
A: She is saying "Om Namah Shivaya..."
T: What other sounds are you able to hear?
A: I hear the birds chirping....the sounds of the water...
T: Go and see who that lady is....Go ..
A: Thats me! Thats me! Thats me!
T: Do you have a name...can you tell me your name? Recollect...

After a long silence...
A: Yes! Yes! My name is Sati.......

Amma experinced huge amounts of joy when she was able to recognise herself in every janma...she could feel her joy and it was expressed during her exclamations...(Yes..My name is Sati...was done with utmost Joy)

T: Go back....go back....

After a long silence...
A: I see huge mountains...rough and dry...and the whole place was reverberating with the sounds of "Om Namah Shivaya"....I can hear that...feel that...and smell that...breathe that.....Om Namah Shivaya...and I can see someone sitting in a padmasana posture with a trishul and kamandalam....I recognise him as Shiva...I am trying to find myself there ....but am not able to see myself...I can see lots of people...
T: Who are the people? Are they humans?
A: No no...they are not humans....They are gods....
T: Come back.......that is the end....

The teacher then ensured that amma had to fast forward and come back to her present janma...she then relaxed all parts of her body...as they were numb....and finally amma opened her eyes...and came back to reality!
She had a terrible head ache......after that...and slept a lot particularly on that day....she felt drained out and oru madiri after that.....

Will write a worldly mail again ...

- Me